Les Lettres du Beatnik

Prochainement ici, Les Lettres du Beatnik écrites par Kane et Liline.

Présentation de la chose :

Kane > The Beachgirl (Bitchgirl)
Liline > The Beatnik

Place > nowhere
Time > never
Story > nothing

Dear Beatnik,

You know that you are very powerful in your car ! I was looking at you and my heart suddenly fell down ; his name is Benoit XVI because it’s as stupid as him. I decided to post this letter three years ago but I didn’t have time to do it. Now it’s too late to have a breakfast with you but I hope they do ! What are we doing in this fucking hell ? Perhaps we all seaching for a better world and finally never find a kiss-bear …

That’s enough for tomorrow and I can find a MacDo where people are happy like the clown of the publicity. Do you want a cup of tea ? I you want it you can find another one (broken) in the basket.

Dear Beachgirl,

Or should I say “dear Bitchgirl”, because of your very small and pervers brain ! Yes, I swear, and I’m proud of it !
You know what ? I don’t care about your fucking bloody heart, and I’m surprise that it’s as stupid as him because nobody’s more stupid than you !
I’m sorry but even if you can have a breakfast with me, I can’t. I never have a breakfast. Between 8:00 and 12:00 I eat cheese, between 12:00 and 18:00 I eat mayonnaise, and between 18:00 and 8:00 I eat anything else. So you see, I never can have a breakfast with you, my dear Bitchgirl !
Find a McDo if you want, I don’t mind, but be careful with the honey. They’re many many honey in Poupou’s hair.
I don’t want your fucking cup, so go back to your dirty sea, and die !

My lovely Beatnik,

You should say “dear Bitchgirl”, that’s correct like in “the maillon faible”. You’re dark and that’s make me laugh ! Why don’t you want my broken cup of tea ? It’s very beautiful, with peaceful flowers and pink electrodes. Why electrodes ? Because in the morning you are tired and electrodes make you feel good ! Oasis is a great man, if you shake him it exploses and never returns to his place ! He’s and Elvis Presley’s fanatic and kills his shoes with a guitar.
As far as Poupou is concerned she’s more dark than you !
You can’t imagine what expensive are her hairs ! 1 £ or less ! And they are not true !

My horrible Bitchgirl,

I have a question : could you shut up ? I was never more relax than the three years where you leaved me alone. Why are you continuing to write ? I am not cool or nice or happy. Oh yes, my dark attitude makes you laugh, like Lorie makes laugh the entire world with her positive attitude. And so does “Raffi”, a good friend of mine.
Dear Bitchgirl, I never told you that I hate tea ? And the cups with pictures too. I can’t bear the hippies of the 70’s and the peaceful attitude makes me sick. Electrodes are not my cup of tea … oh Jesus ! I didn’t know that I had humour. Let’s laugh !

Because you never finish your letters, I do.

With Kiss-bears anywhere,
Your dear Beatnik.

My sweety Beatnik,

I can’t immediately shut up because I have things to say. My make up is waterproof so I can’t stay away from you. I’ll visit you tomorrow or perhaps another night.
“Raffi” is your friend ? Well ! “Sarko” is mine !
If you hate tea you can eat coffee in a French cup and if you don’t like the 70’s you can draw pigs on your shoes ! Of course yu’ve got humour but it’s as dark as Poupou’s.

Fucking Bitchgirl,

I think you didn’t understand : I don’t love you !
I don’t even like you ! I don’t care about you. Your Benoit XVI, perhaps, fell down in front of me, but not mine.
Your make up is waterproof, but mine isn’t. So you see, we can’t see each other.
I see myself in the obligation to close my doors and phone the police not to see you again. Indeed, I want to stay alone. “Alone” is, in fact, a word which you can’t understand, and that’s unhappy.
What a doom, when, this miserable day, I shot you with my car and when you wrote the immatriculation of my car to find my identity and then my address ! Thanks to you I don’t like sea and beaches anymore !

So please, I ask you to shut up your fucking bloody pen.

With hate,
Your Beatnik.

My badly Beatnik,

Fuck your fucking car because it’s not a cup of tea ! You are hurting me that’s why I loose one of my eyes ! I can only cry with my unique eye ! Please give me a chance to proove that I am better that a butter who can fly like a butterfly ! Do you know Dora the exploratrice N Well if you don’t know it you must ing “sac à dos, sac à dos, sac à dos, I am the sac à dos ! “ and you’ll feel very interesting ! I’m waiting for your fucking answer.

Bye bye
Like B. Boop

Stupid Bitchgirl,

Why did you loose an eye ?! An eye is very important, essential … to cry ! Like says Poupou : “you will cry!”
I told : you’re not better than anything. You’re stupid, mad, obseded, perverse, and the essential thing : you’re a bitch.
I am perhaps a beatnik but I don’t swim in the sea with the purples fishes and a shark who eat your legs. I am alone and happy in my garden with my tomatoes and the sun which makes my forehead red.
I know nothing except my house, my garden, your fucking sea and your mad face !
I believe that you’re becoming as bad as me !
That’s a good point !

I hope never to see you again
Your Beatnik !

My lonely Beatnik,

Poupou’s words are sometimes hopeless, I thing it’s because she’s not satisfied at bed but please shut up about this.
Why don’t you swim in the sea ? You certainly prefer to swim in your bath or (like me) in the grass of your garden. If you run away from your house you can find beautiful places like the MacDo’s and perhaps become more social ! What do you think about “the maillon faible” ? I watched it yesterday and see a man who was called “the little beatnik in your face”, then I realize that it was a post-it on the TV. I have to watch it again. Bye bye little flower !

My hopeless Bichgirl,

I don,’t care about Poupou.
I don’t care about your grass.
I don’t mind !!
I’m sick of your fucking letters !! Do you understand ? No, of course you don’t understand ! And I don’t even know why I’m continuing to write … I think I can perhaps make you understand that I have a life without you, without friends : in fact, without problems !!

Please, please, please : can you die ??
Beatnik (I never write again)

My sweetheart Beatnik,

If you don’t care about me why are you reading ? I think it’s because you don’t have things to do in your life ! You’ve got a poor life like you’re a poor man > a batnik !
The things I wrote are very interesting, if you don’t see that you can buy glasses (man “à lunettes”, man “à nénettes”). I eat an orange juice now, thinking of you like I always do. Please stop you to be this bad man. I know you too have got a Benoit XVI ! Let him talk out of your own ! PLEASE be peaceful !

Kiss-bear is nightmare when you are with your dog.

I’ve changed my address. Go back to hell.

You know who.

My Beachgirl,

I know, that was two years ago I swore and I was proud of it. Today, it’s another day after tomorrow. I’m sorry. I thought about you every day and every night.
I feel myself all thing … I thinlk I’m in love. You were right, I’m always alone, bad, unhappy and you are, perhaps a little bit heavy with your “maillon faible” and your cups of tea but I find you so sweet and cut.
When you fell down under my car, your beautiful false hair were floating in the air, in the sky with the big white birds who laugh like sheep.

Please answer me !
You lovely Beatnik.

Beatnik,

What am I going to write ? First we are not in “the fire of love” so your precedent letter is pathos. Finally I prefer when you swore and when you was proud of it because it’s just the way I love you. Birds are singing a beautiful song called “the beatnik of my fucking life”, it’s now the chorus … so beautiful !
Yesterday I met Poupou, she wanted to have a cup of tea with me so I broke all my cups of tea on her fucking face. I don’t know why but then she looked angry and said she’s going to call the Spice Girls.
Today the Spice Girls are in my house, I’m going to eat them (but not Mel C, she’s too slim like slim fast) and drink potatoes.
About the peaceful flowers now the MacDo’s clown have it in his hair !

Fuck it all just like the Pokemon
The elegant Bitchgirl

My Beachgirl,

I believe that my heart will go on : I’m actually in love like in love actually.
I always swear !! On my dog, on my noighbours, and even on my tomatoes when they don’t grow up fast ! I’m very happy for you for all these meetings with Poupou and the Spice Girls (eve if I don’t know who they are).
Why did you sign “bitchgirl” because you’re a “beachgirl” ? Did you have any boyfriends ? I never have any girlfriend because at school I was small and dirty and my teeth were yellow. That’s why I’m always angry, but I think I’ve found the great love and maybe would you be ok for a rendez-vous ? I love French food and I dream that we will kiss each other for the very first time.

Perhaps would you be my wife ? We could be angry together and fuck the fucking people and being hated ?! That’s my lovely dream with you, my sweety beachgirl … in fact what’s you name ?

More closer than yesterday, Your Beatnik.

Crazy Beatnik,

You’re always pathos, aren’t you ? How old are you ? 94 years old, aren’t you ?
Because you make me think about “Love, glory and beauty” or perhaps “Dallas” with his impitoyable universe. “We had not keep the cows together” like said Poupou, so wait a minute for the marriage. Here it’s raining men, alleluia and it’s raining cats and dogs too. I’m playing with my fucking bottle of water and broking my news cups of tea with it.
Wow ! Sorry, the bottle of water exploses like Orangina on my letter : BOOM !
Scuse me again.
Perhaps it wasn’t a real bottle of water … I’m not a terrorist that’s ok.
Please be dark
Little Bitchgirl in the forest guuuump !

Bad Beachgirl,

I don’t want to be pathos, I just want you to understand why I love you.
I’m not old and please shut up !! You begin to make me sick !!!
Why are you bad ? I can be bad and then you’ll be sad because of my angry and dark attitude.
I’m going to visit you. Please be NORMAL, I will bring brioches, because I know that you’re a Marie-Antoinette fan.
I will think about the marriage, this rendez-vous is a test of compatibility …

Be careful with the bottles,
Don’t die in the sea.

You’re Beatnik.

Fucking Beatnik,

If you brush your teeth two times in a day we can be friends, if you are humoristic, friendly and not dirty we can talk a little and if you are Brad Pitt we can go to the marriage in a few days. But with the “if” we can put paris in a bottle … let it be, let it be.
Well … my real name is anonymous just like Mickey Mouse but without the M-I-C-K-E-Y and E and you can add anony before.
Is it to difficult to understand ? I’m sure you don’t know Mickey … he’s a little bit more clever than your favourite singer : Francis Lalane (I know it because I’ve seen his CDs and posters in your house). I apologize. Why ? Because I’m too perfect for you !

Of course the lemon is like an orange tomatoe.
The sac à dos

Bloody Bitchgirl,

I won’t brush my teeth, because I think the real great love have to love for what I am.
I won’t be humoristic and friendly, because I do what I want !! And I am not Brad Pitt but you can buy a gonflable doll with his face. I believe that it will please you …
I don’t know Francis Lalane and even Mickey Mouse but yesterday I bought a cup of tea. You know why ? Yeah ! You know why !!
Hem … I bought it and then I put it on my table and next I bought a baseball batte. I returned at home and … do you know what happened ? Nothing yet. First I bought a pen and I wrote your name, bitchgirl, on the cup. Then, slowly, I left my batte up the cup and … I BROKE IT ! Ah ! That was good ! Waw, I feel good now !
You know what again ? You’re not perfect, you’re unperfect. It means you’re a “biiiiip”.

The intelligent beatnik who doesn’t love you anymore.

Beatnik-frites,

That’s great for your cup of tea to be broken ! I’m sure she’s now happy where she is ! In the cups of tea’s paradise ! Can you give me your baseball batte ? Because I have a baseball cap with peacefukl flowers, it is pink with the new fashion : “à petits pois” that means it is for the peace in the peace. I’m eating a volvic “pizza flavour”, that’s delicious !
About you dark attitude that’s great, you still bad as an angel ! I hope you to go on this way forever (forrreveeer ! like Cloclo).
That’s not important to be Brad Pitt, I’m sure you’re like David Beckam *love*, if you’re not … buy an other cup of tea !

Oh ! My butter is flying in the sky of my kitchen !
The master card

My virtual Bitchgirl,

You believe in things which don’t exist … like the cups of tea’s paradise. I don’t want your heart to fall down again. If it does it, take it off and put your Benoit XVI in a cup of tea. Then it can’t fall down anymore ! That’s my blue advice.
I don’t want to give you my batte but I’m ok to rent it, if you want : 20 cups of tea for an hour ! Great promotion for all the family !
I tell you when I’ll visit you : the 3rd and the 45th. Tell me if I can visit you and we can have fun if your fucking mouth can shut up 3 minutes on a day.

With volvic “pizza flavour” at the back of the letter.
Beatnik, the powerful

Beatnik dans the nature,

The cups of tea’s paradise exist for real ! But you can’t know it because tou don’t know the world ! You only know the place in front of your nose ! And even there I can’t imagine what you see because you don’t know a lot of things ! We are on Sunday bloodyth of januamber just like we were one year before and that’s Raffi’s birthday ! Sarko visited me yesterday (to have a cup of tea…) but he fell down on my butter and Jean Pierre Coffe was unhappy ! He said “oh ! A beautiful butter like that ! That’s a shame !”. Then Britney Spears said “Hey ! Jean Pierre ! I’m a slave for you !!”. I realize that Jean Pierre is called like Jean Pierre and that makes me laugh !

Birds do “cui cui”
The American express card

Dear Kermit,

Indeed, I only know the place in front of my nose, and I’m proud of it.
I don’ t know your friend Sarko, I told you that I knew Raffi who’s my friend … my only friend in fact, with you of course.
I don’t know Britney Spears, Jean-Pierre Coffe and the others.
I want to tell you an adventure which happened to me : I walked alone on the boulevard of broken dreams in my garden and I met a sea lion who was sleeping in a huge cup of tea. I told him : “What are you doing here, bloody stupid thing ?”. He said : “nothing” and I said “me too”. He told me “If we do something together ?”. I said “ok!”. And all the afternoon we were sitting in the cup. Then, I told him “I hope never to see you again dear fucking animal”, and I went away. On the road I sawa rabbit, a man with a hat, and a little blond girl.

Good bye Lenine
The beatnik and nobody’s home.

Big Monkey,

I’m sure you wanted to send the precedent letter to another beatnik because my name is not “Kermit”. I don’t care about your sea lion in his cup of tea so take jom out and shoot hime with a guitar.
“Oh ! I laugh to see myself as beautiful that in this mirror !” I love this fucking song ! Shoot in the rabbit and in the man but put the blond girl in the water because she believes she can breath (so she’ll die in a few seconds) just like you (take it in your face).
Please don’t touch a mouse with a friendly face but fuck it all with a fucking dress, you understand ?

The blue card.